I think one thing you can do to help your friends who are depressed is to reach out to them not in the spirit of helping, but in the spirit of liking them and wanting their company. “I’m here to help if you ever need me” is good to know, but hard to act on, especially when you’re in a dark place. Specific, ongoing, pleasure-based invitations are much easier to absorb. “I’m here. Let’s go to the movies. Or stay in and order takeout and watch some dumb TV.” “I’m having a party, it would be really great if you could come for a little while.” Ask them for help with things you know they are good at and like doing, so there is reciprocity and a way for them to contribute. “Will you come over Sunday and help me clear my closet of unfashionable and unflattering items? I trust your eye.” “Will you read this story I wrote and help me fix the dialogue?” “Want to make dinner together? You chop, I’ll assemble.” “I am going glasses shopping and I need another set of eyes.” Remind yourself why you like this person, and in the process, remind them that they are likable and worth your time and interest.
Talk to the parts of the person that aren’t being eaten by the depression. Make it as easy as possible to make and keep plans, if you have the emotional resources to be the initiator and to meet your friends a little more than halfway. If the person turns down a bunch of invitations in a row because (presumably) they don’t have the energy to be social, respect their autonomy by giving it a month or two and then try again. Keep the invitations simple; “Any chance we could have breakfast Saturday?” > “ARE YOU AVOIDING ME BECAUSE YOU’RE DEPRESSED OR BECAUSE YOU HATE ME I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU.” “I miss you and I want to see you” > “I’m worried about you.” A depressed person is going to have a shame spiral about how their shame is making them avoid you and how that’s giving them more shame, which is making them avoid you no matter what you do. No need for you to call attention to it. Just keep asking. “I want to see you” “Let’s do this thing.” “If you are feeling low, I understand, and I don’t want to impose on you, but I miss your face. Please come have coffee with me.” “Apology accepted. ApologIES accepted. So. Gelato and Outlander?”
P.S. A lot of people with depression and other mental illnesses have trouble making decisions or choosing from a bunch of different options. “Wanna get dinner at that pizza place on Tuesday night?” is a LOT easier to answer than “So wanna hang out sometime? What do you want to do?”
my roommate and i are temporarily taking care of a Very Small Tiny Kitten that her aunt found in a boarded up shed and shes GONE and its just me in the house with the kitten and its Too Small i cant handle this
Ok some of this is kind of emo bc I’m mopey today.
1. I’ve worked as a journalist, park ranger, ESL teacher, and cat rescuer, among other positions. Currently, I do freelance social media management and edit romance novels! 2. I have a form of OCD known as a BFRB (or body-focused repetitive behavior). For a long time this was compounded by severe depression. I am no longer depressed and I’ve found people are usually very kind and accommodating about BFRBs. 3. I’m way obsessed with understanding/researching the Great Terror period. Something about the cannibalization of societies like that is super fascinating to me. 4. I recently moved to DC. In the past, I’ve lived in Moscow and St. Petersburg. This is my first big American city- I love it except for the CONSTANT cat calling. 5. I’m 24 and sometimes I feel like a horrible failure because I can’t seem to find steady, well-paying, meaningful work despite an MA and over six years work experience, while I see so many of my peers pulling ahead. I know you have to be patient and just keep working at it, but I feel so discouraged at times. That said, I fell into writing and I do love it. 6. I’ve recently started dating an adorable guy from India and I’m kind of obsessed and I’m afraid I’ll scare him off because I’m so into him already. This may be connected to my inability to find work since I’m so distracted right now! Also, I realize I know NOTHING about India. 7. Since a really bad, emotionally abusive relationship about 1 1/2 years ago, I struggle to find inspiration for big projects or get excited about things the way I used to. Sometimes I wonder if I’m broken forever. Other times it comes back for a day or two and I’m ok. 8. I think I am sometimes too kind to people. I rationalize their behavior constantly instead of trying to defend myself, so unfortunately I get taken advantage of quite a bit :/ 9. I own an 04 Honda Civic and have an irrational hatred of cars and driving. 10. I’m working on a historical fiction novel which currently stands at 840,000 words…. it’s been months since I worked on it, though.
My birthday is on the 18th October, so I always end up being one of the youngest people in my classes. I started university at 17 for this reason and it was kind of weird being younger than everyone else, regardless of how tiny the gap was.
My mother is Portuguese, my dad is Dutch, I was born and raised in Belgium, am currently studying in the UK. It’s all very cosmopolitan.
Because of my family history and my having gone to a European school, I find nationalism and plain old patriotism pretty hard to “get.” I understand that sort of stuff on an intellectual level, and I can definitely appreciate that loads of people struggle to gain independence or recognition based on their sense of national identity, but I find mindless flag-waving (very prevalent in Britain) extremely confusing.
I always seem to buy computers and other gadgets that are already broken down pieces of shit from the get-go but I’ll always manage to make them last for years. Through sheer willpower, I imagine.
Peanut butter never appealed to me before coming to the UK and then I tried it once and now I’ve lost control of my life
I got chastised by a psychiatrist for not being ‘manly’ enough and playing into gay stereotypes by baking, sewing, and ‘dressing well,’ which is still a pretty mysterious admonishment even today.
I could live on buttery couscous and green apples alone.
I’ve never really had to make an effort to learn a language, since I was brought up speaking all the four ones I know (Portuguese with my mum, Dutch with my dad, French by living in Belgium, and I picked up English because that’s what my parents spoke to each other). I’d like to learn German, Russian, and either Swedish or Icelandic. Then I’m done.
They had to stop my heart to perform surgery on me due to a congenital heart problem. It was a pretty novel procedure, so I’m probably Patient X in some medical document. Neat!
My parents love travelling, and I’ve always been very keen as well. My end goal is to have a job that’ll let give me enough free time to pursue creative endeavours, and pay decently enough that I can go on an exciting vacation every once in a while, preferably with my partner and/or friends.
It was pretty difficult and it’s probably pretty boring, sorry! I nominate these peeps but you don’t gotta do it if you don’t wanna:
valid criticisms of Anita Sarkeesian: Her unclear reasoning behind still asking for money for her videos, her absolutely glacial rate of video making, the fact that she analyzes games which she knows little about, or how her views on Feminism do not represent all schools of feminist thought
invalid criticisms of Anita Sarkeesian: She hates men, she wants all games to pander to women, she wants to take our games away!!!!